I am a very shy person, I hate to ask for anything it really bothers me. I don't talk about myself very opening, about what I enjoy or desire. When I was younger my Mother was married to a very mean man that taught me that I was to be seen and never heard. For hours he would lock me in my room because he didn't like me. Because of this I am a very private person, I do not talk openly about things in my life to people. And I never ask for anything that would singly benefit myself.
So in an effort to stop that I am going to pour it all out here.
I have always wanted to be able to sit at someones feet and tell them all my wrong doings and discretion's. Have them take punishment out on my butt by spankings, I always feel in my fantasies that having that outlet where I am punished lets me let go of these things. I have a habit of obsessing over something I have done wrong, say at work or in my personal life. But to hand all of it over to someone and have them absolve me of them would be heavenly.
Now looking back over it, it does look quite a bit like a Catholic confession well minus the spanking. I am not Catholic nor have I ever had a chance to confess. It would be lovely though.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
I rolled over and found myself trapped in his arms. He had snuggled up behind me and had wrapped me in both his arms. I couldn't help but smile at him as he dreamt.
We had decided to go for a movie, but it turned out that our movie wasn't going to be on until the next weekend. So after going for Chinese food we ended up on the couch watching movies. I told him I was freezing so Cam brought me a blanket. I am always cold, I don't know what is wrong with me but I have such bad circulation that I always need a blanket. I ended up kind of falling asleep with my head on his shoulder when he just looked at me and said "why don't we lay down"? Instantly I thought that he was trying to make a move on me as it was our third date together. Hesitantly I did lay down with him, with my head on his chest. At one point I actually did fall asleep laying with him. Next thing I knew he was standing over me saying something, I tried to shake my head, but I just didn't understand him at all. Next thing I knew he was walking away from me. Five minutes later and he still didn't come back, confused I walked to the bathroom and as I finished I could hear him say my name.
I looked into his room and seen him lying there on his bed. He looked at me again and asked if i wanted to borrow some pajama bottoms. I nodded and thanked him still half asleep. I changed from my jeans into the borrowed pants. I crawled into bed with him and he kissed me on the forehead and lay down with me. I kept expecting him to try to fondle me or make a move, but he didn't. We ended up sleeping till noon the next day, as we were laying there he told me he couldn't help not wanting to wake me up when we were on the couch because he was so comfortable with me there. I found new respect for him as he left me unmolested in his bed. Did I mention we shared a kiss or two. I am not a big kisser at all but when we kissed I felt a bolt of electricity shoot right out through my feet. I have a good feeling about him.
We had decided to go for a movie, but it turned out that our movie wasn't going to be on until the next weekend. So after going for Chinese food we ended up on the couch watching movies. I told him I was freezing so Cam brought me a blanket. I am always cold, I don't know what is wrong with me but I have such bad circulation that I always need a blanket. I ended up kind of falling asleep with my head on his shoulder when he just looked at me and said "why don't we lay down"? Instantly I thought that he was trying to make a move on me as it was our third date together. Hesitantly I did lay down with him, with my head on his chest. At one point I actually did fall asleep laying with him. Next thing I knew he was standing over me saying something, I tried to shake my head, but I just didn't understand him at all. Next thing I knew he was walking away from me. Five minutes later and he still didn't come back, confused I walked to the bathroom and as I finished I could hear him say my name.
I looked into his room and seen him lying there on his bed. He looked at me again and asked if i wanted to borrow some pajama bottoms. I nodded and thanked him still half asleep. I changed from my jeans into the borrowed pants. I crawled into bed with him and he kissed me on the forehead and lay down with me. I kept expecting him to try to fondle me or make a move, but he didn't. We ended up sleeping till noon the next day, as we were laying there he told me he couldn't help not wanting to wake me up when we were on the couch because he was so comfortable with me there. I found new respect for him as he left me unmolested in his bed. Did I mention we shared a kiss or two. I am not a big kisser at all but when we kissed I felt a bolt of electricity shoot right out through my feet. I have a good feeling about him.
2nd Date
Cam gave me two options for dinner, either Pizza Hut or an upscale expensive place. After arguing for a little while he ended up choosing for me and took me out for a nice supper. We met there, and he walked me inside with his hand on my arm. The waiter sat us down and we got to see out over the lake, it was simply gorgeous. Just the way all the light twinkled off the water was just breathtaking. We talked for hours while sitting there, getting to know each other more. I learned that he liked country (ick!) and he learned that I like horror movies more the romantic ones. When we decided to leave, I tried to convince him that we should have gone and played at the park. As swings are some of my favorite things in the world, but seeing as how its winter and that it was minus 20 out we went to his house.
To say I was nervous would have been an understatment, I wondered if he was going to try and push me for sex and what I would do if he did. We ended up playing video games and being the dork and geek that I am, I can say that I honestly whipped his butt. After playing the games he had he and I drove to Wal-Mart and picked up a new game. It happened to be a ninja game, and incase you dont know I am a ninja on my own (hehe) We ended up playing about half the game and sat up until 1am laughing and joking.
We ended up talking about past realtionships and why we are single now. Turns out that he has only ever dated two girls but has had long realtionships with both. Its kinda nice to know that he didnt have a bunch of one month realtionships. He asked me about my last realtionship and I told him about my ex who didnt have a learners license or even a job for most of it. I told Cam that I had paid for everything and took care of him. Cam asked me if I was a good reciever because obviously I am a giver. I had to admit that I dont recieve very well, I dont know how to with out looking like I am greedy. He just smiled at me and said well we will just have to fix that.
Finally I decided that I would go home, he walked me to my car and gave me a hug again even though I was hoping for a kiss. He called me to make sure I had gotten home safe.
To say I was nervous would have been an understatment, I wondered if he was going to try and push me for sex and what I would do if he did. We ended up playing video games and being the dork and geek that I am, I can say that I honestly whipped his butt. After playing the games he had he and I drove to Wal-Mart and picked up a new game. It happened to be a ninja game, and incase you dont know I am a ninja on my own (hehe) We ended up playing about half the game and sat up until 1am laughing and joking.
We ended up talking about past realtionships and why we are single now. Turns out that he has only ever dated two girls but has had long realtionships with both. Its kinda nice to know that he didnt have a bunch of one month realtionships. He asked me about my last realtionship and I told him about my ex who didnt have a learners license or even a job for most of it. I told Cam that I had paid for everything and took care of him. Cam asked me if I was a good reciever because obviously I am a giver. I had to admit that I dont recieve very well, I dont know how to with out looking like I am greedy. He just smiled at me and said well we will just have to fix that.
Finally I decided that I would go home, he walked me to my car and gave me a hug again even though I was hoping for a kiss. He called me to make sure I had gotten home safe.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Crystal Ball
I do have a journal that I write in but its even more sporadically written in then this blog and I dont really feel comfortable writing in my journal at work so I am trying to document this possible relationship on my blog. So sorry if you get sick of the sick lovy dovy vanilla stuff then feel free to read and follow along. If not then dont ^^
Last month I went and visited a psychic that my mother likes to go to. I think I am a very sceptical person I do not instantly believe in everything. But I have always wanted to go to a physic an see what they would say about me. She actually lives in a town near me so I ended up going to her house. She was a big women and she lead me inside her house to her "office". There were crystal balls and pictures of witches everywhere, to say it was unusual was an understatement. She sat me down and explained to me a little of what she was going to do.
She brought out the tarot cards and started. She told me that I had a sister that lives far away and that she would be coming to visit me in about a month and hopefully it wasn't a surprise. (as this was about a month ago, my mom called to tell me my sister would be coming to visit this weekend) She told me that I would meet the one next fall and I would be moving in with him by next summer. That I would be married within the next 2 years and it would be a life long relationship. She told me I would have two children maybe three and that I would be well off, not rich but not to worried about the finances.
I know better then to believe that all of that will come true but to have some kind of hope is really nice. To have someone tell me and be sure of themselves that I will not be alone the rest of my life is always good news.
Last month I went and visited a psychic that my mother likes to go to. I think I am a very sceptical person I do not instantly believe in everything. But I have always wanted to go to a physic an see what they would say about me. She actually lives in a town near me so I ended up going to her house. She was a big women and she lead me inside her house to her "office". There were crystal balls and pictures of witches everywhere, to say it was unusual was an understatement. She sat me down and explained to me a little of what she was going to do.
She brought out the tarot cards and started. She told me that I had a sister that lives far away and that she would be coming to visit me in about a month and hopefully it wasn't a surprise. (as this was about a month ago, my mom called to tell me my sister would be coming to visit this weekend) She told me that I would meet the one next fall and I would be moving in with him by next summer. That I would be married within the next 2 years and it would be a life long relationship. She told me I would have two children maybe three and that I would be well off, not rich but not to worried about the finances.
I know better then to believe that all of that will come true but to have some kind of hope is really nice. To have someone tell me and be sure of themselves that I will not be alone the rest of my life is always good news.
I went on a date not to long ago with a very interesting person. We met online on a vanilla dating website, and hit it off. I actually almost gave up on him as it took us a little while to get coordinated enough to meet. We were texting and trying to figure out how things were going to go and where we were going to meet. Eventually he gave up and just called me, we ended up talking for a good 20 mins before deciding we would meet for a game of pool. While driving there he called me and he sounded so very nervous, saying that even though he had seen pictures of me he wanted to make sure it was me by staying on the phone till we ran into each other. This kinda made me wonder if maybe he wasn't as attractive as his pictures lead to believe, as this has happened to me before. But as I walked around the corner and I almost bumped into him I couldn't help but smile. He was very handsome and taller then me.
We ended up playing about five games of pool together and unfortunately I lost every single one. Joking and laughing a lot we got along really well. Sitting down we talked about our online dating experiences and bad dates. Talking about tattoos and piercings he said that he seen a show on tv about a 300 pound girl with lots of piercings that liked to paddle guys. I couldn't help but giggle when he tried to explain all of it to me. I had not told him about my kink tendencies, so it was cute to see him getting flustered over it. I figured this time I was going to wait until the right time to talk about my sexuality.
He walked me back to my car and gave me a hug goodbye. By the time I got home he had texted me and by the next day we had a new date set up. Hmm very interesting...
We ended up playing about five games of pool together and unfortunately I lost every single one. Joking and laughing a lot we got along really well. Sitting down we talked about our online dating experiences and bad dates. Talking about tattoos and piercings he said that he seen a show on tv about a 300 pound girl with lots of piercings that liked to paddle guys. I couldn't help but giggle when he tried to explain all of it to me. I had not told him about my kink tendencies, so it was cute to see him getting flustered over it. I figured this time I was going to wait until the right time to talk about my sexuality.
He walked me back to my car and gave me a hug goodbye. By the time I got home he had texted me and by the next day we had a new date set up. Hmm very interesting...
Thursday, October 22, 2009
love?
I can honestly say that I have never fallen in love with a guy or girl before. I have liked and lusted but never was truly in love. I can say I came quite close with one guy though, and I think about him and often wonder if maybe I missed the boat, that maybe he was the one.
We actually met at church, he was a good little church boy and I was a purple haired; skull wearing, lime green tights, punk. And I never thought I would have a chance with him, he later told me he felt the same way. He was gorgeous, he could have been a model if he wanted to, blonde hair and blue eyes and he stood over 6' tall and he was a gentleman. After nearly a year of liking each other and attempting to hide it from each other we finally went out. We would spend hours walking around the town together, he was a welcome reprieve from the groping immature guys that I had dated before. Always the gentleman he refused to let me open a door for him, he would reach above me, hold the door then push me in lol.
We didn't share our first kiss until months into our relationship, it actually happened in the rain at 2am. And I have never been kissed even to this day like he would kiss me. I was his first girlfriend but he seemed to know how to do everything. In fact he was the first person to bite me, after trying on some new perfume he leaned over to smell my neck and bit the space between my shoulder and my neck. I melted. But when ever we were making out or kissing and he would try to push me further and I would back away, he would get angry. Telling me that I should know better and to not tempt him and be a slut. I know he was having issues with being sexually attracted to me and knowing that he shouldn't be as he was a good church boy. Eventually I got sick of it and gave up on him.
I hooked up with an ex of mine and regretted every moment of it. After being tempted by Will and never going any further I was sure that I wanted more. And lost my virginity to an old ex. Will and I actually became friends again after a year had passed and I guess confusion on my part I thought he wanted to date again. And even though he didn't want to be with me again, he couldn't hurt my feelings by telling me no. After a repeat of a make out session then being lectured, I angrily said some mean things. And after a fight he walked out, I stood sobbing outside his truck begging him to love me and not leave...
He just looked at me and got in his truck and drove away.
Its been over two years since then and we have been able to become friends. We laugh and joke and flirt with each other. During the summer we even went to the Zoo together, and being together again was just amazing. It was like it used to be between, without a computer screen or 100kms separating us we were just us again. We joked and laughed and poked each other he pushed me around like he always used to. And then I drove home and it never evolved, in fact it went back to the occasional text at best.
I have dreams about him all the time where I tell him I still care for him, but I would never make the first move again. Every time I think about attempting it, I remember the night I stood by myself sobbing as he drove away. If he ever wanted me again I'd jump in a heart beat, but until then I'll stay right here where its safe.
We actually met at church, he was a good little church boy and I was a purple haired; skull wearing, lime green tights, punk. And I never thought I would have a chance with him, he later told me he felt the same way. He was gorgeous, he could have been a model if he wanted to, blonde hair and blue eyes and he stood over 6' tall and he was a gentleman. After nearly a year of liking each other and attempting to hide it from each other we finally went out. We would spend hours walking around the town together, he was a welcome reprieve from the groping immature guys that I had dated before. Always the gentleman he refused to let me open a door for him, he would reach above me, hold the door then push me in lol.
We didn't share our first kiss until months into our relationship, it actually happened in the rain at 2am. And I have never been kissed even to this day like he would kiss me. I was his first girlfriend but he seemed to know how to do everything. In fact he was the first person to bite me, after trying on some new perfume he leaned over to smell my neck and bit the space between my shoulder and my neck. I melted. But when ever we were making out or kissing and he would try to push me further and I would back away, he would get angry. Telling me that I should know better and to not tempt him and be a slut. I know he was having issues with being sexually attracted to me and knowing that he shouldn't be as he was a good church boy. Eventually I got sick of it and gave up on him.
I hooked up with an ex of mine and regretted every moment of it. After being tempted by Will and never going any further I was sure that I wanted more. And lost my virginity to an old ex. Will and I actually became friends again after a year had passed and I guess confusion on my part I thought he wanted to date again. And even though he didn't want to be with me again, he couldn't hurt my feelings by telling me no. After a repeat of a make out session then being lectured, I angrily said some mean things. And after a fight he walked out, I stood sobbing outside his truck begging him to love me and not leave...
He just looked at me and got in his truck and drove away.
Its been over two years since then and we have been able to become friends. We laugh and joke and flirt with each other. During the summer we even went to the Zoo together, and being together again was just amazing. It was like it used to be between, without a computer screen or 100kms separating us we were just us again. We joked and laughed and poked each other he pushed me around like he always used to. And then I drove home and it never evolved, in fact it went back to the occasional text at best.
I have dreams about him all the time where I tell him I still care for him, but I would never make the first move again. Every time I think about attempting it, I remember the night I stood by myself sobbing as he drove away. If he ever wanted me again I'd jump in a heart beat, but until then I'll stay right here where its safe.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
To be owned again?
I am part of a website that I am sure many of you know, called AFF.com. I have found many different types of people on there. I find I can be more open and free about what I am looking for then on a normal dating site. I have actually met more normal guys on there looking for a relationship then any other dating website. I met my first couple there and others. It is very hit and miss though this site, there are way to many 54 yr old men that send me messages wanting to sleep with me when I am not looking for someone over 30.
Last night I came upon a couple that lives not to far from me which is unusual because I'm out in the middle of no where lol. I thought that they seemed great, a 25 yr old couple looking for a pet he is dominant and she is a switch. I could not come up with a good message so I traveled on from their page, to my happy surprise they sent me a message. We talked and chatted on msn for quite a while and we got along really well. But I have this nagging voice asking if I want to go down this road again.
It will be a year at the end of the month since I was owned by Dia and her husband. Things went really well until the end as she became quite mean and happened to tell everyone in a bar that I was a sex slave and that I would be sleeping at the end of the bed that night because I refused to lick the bottom of her dirty shoe.(have you ever seen the floor of a bar ewwww...)
I did become friends with another couple but they never did own me, we met for a fun night a time or two but that's it. So I am terrified now that I am faced with a chance of being a pet again. I know I miss the discipline and the control and the sex but do I want to be that person again. I would love to meet a guy that I could have a kinky relationship with and I find it hard to say on a date oh by the way I am owned by a couple so we cant have sex unless they say so. That being said there is nothing wrong with being a pet of a couple, heck I loved it. But I don't know if that's what I am looking for in my life right now. I am a very open person and to not be able to tell my father and family about things is hard. How do I say we met and how do I explain all the time we seem to spend together.
I don't want to become friends with this couple and turn them down or back out at the last minute. Ugh why does life have to be so confusing.
Last night I came upon a couple that lives not to far from me which is unusual because I'm out in the middle of no where lol. I thought that they seemed great, a 25 yr old couple looking for a pet he is dominant and she is a switch. I could not come up with a good message so I traveled on from their page, to my happy surprise they sent me a message. We talked and chatted on msn for quite a while and we got along really well. But I have this nagging voice asking if I want to go down this road again.
It will be a year at the end of the month since I was owned by Dia and her husband. Things went really well until the end as she became quite mean and happened to tell everyone in a bar that I was a sex slave and that I would be sleeping at the end of the bed that night because I refused to lick the bottom of her dirty shoe.(have you ever seen the floor of a bar ewwww...)
I did become friends with another couple but they never did own me, we met for a fun night a time or two but that's it. So I am terrified now that I am faced with a chance of being a pet again. I know I miss the discipline and the control and the sex but do I want to be that person again. I would love to meet a guy that I could have a kinky relationship with and I find it hard to say on a date oh by the way I am owned by a couple so we cant have sex unless they say so. That being said there is nothing wrong with being a pet of a couple, heck I loved it. But I don't know if that's what I am looking for in my life right now. I am a very open person and to not be able to tell my father and family about things is hard. How do I say we met and how do I explain all the time we seem to spend together.
I don't want to become friends with this couple and turn them down or back out at the last minute. Ugh why does life have to be so confusing.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Dont be angry with me
I know that I haven't written anything in a while but the matter of the fact is... Nothing Kinky is Happening!!! Nothing at all, no dates to talk about no sexy times with friends with benefits or anything... Ugh. That and even my title tells you that I will be inconsistent.
On my aff profile I have said that I am not looking for anyone over the age of 30. I'm not ok with dating someone, or even having sex with someone that is more then 10 years older then I am. I don't want a daddy in bed, though having someone to spoil me and buy me pretty things would be nice. But I still don't think I would be ok with it.
I'd met an older man on aff one day named charlie, a very experienced dom. We were very good friends online, he got me interested in quite a few things and caught me at a weak moment and asked to meet me for coffee. We met at Tim Horton's for a coffee, and I was terrified the whole time that everyone knew that I was on a date with him. He was a very interested person but he was as old as my dad. So although it was fun to talk to an old friend, I knew that I could never sleep with him or let him dominate me.
We took his dog for a walk in a local park, at one point someones dog had gotten off its leash and came at me. Now I am not terrified of dogs at all, I know how to protect myself if something was to happen so I was prepared for it. Well Charlie pushed me out of the way and stood in front of me so that the dog didn't even get near me. It was sweet but didn't strike me as anything but an older man protecting the younger girl. When we returned to his car he kissed me and I kinda giggled after it happened. There was nothing when he kissed me, in fact I became very aware of the people around us and what they thought of this 50yr old man kissing what appeared to be a 14 year old girl (I look very very young)
Later we had a drink and talked some more, he was a good friend till he moved away but we kept our interaction to online.
People have sent me messages online saying, I will never find a dominant man in his early 20's. Saying that at that point they haven't figured out or developed their kinky desires. But I will keep hoping that I will find one, I don't even mind if its someone with an open mind with no experienced. But until then I will have to wait.
On my aff profile I have said that I am not looking for anyone over the age of 30. I'm not ok with dating someone, or even having sex with someone that is more then 10 years older then I am. I don't want a daddy in bed, though having someone to spoil me and buy me pretty things would be nice. But I still don't think I would be ok with it.
I'd met an older man on aff one day named charlie, a very experienced dom. We were very good friends online, he got me interested in quite a few things and caught me at a weak moment and asked to meet me for coffee. We met at Tim Horton's for a coffee, and I was terrified the whole time that everyone knew that I was on a date with him. He was a very interested person but he was as old as my dad. So although it was fun to talk to an old friend, I knew that I could never sleep with him or let him dominate me.
We took his dog for a walk in a local park, at one point someones dog had gotten off its leash and came at me. Now I am not terrified of dogs at all, I know how to protect myself if something was to happen so I was prepared for it. Well Charlie pushed me out of the way and stood in front of me so that the dog didn't even get near me. It was sweet but didn't strike me as anything but an older man protecting the younger girl. When we returned to his car he kissed me and I kinda giggled after it happened. There was nothing when he kissed me, in fact I became very aware of the people around us and what they thought of this 50yr old man kissing what appeared to be a 14 year old girl (I look very very young)
Later we had a drink and talked some more, he was a good friend till he moved away but we kept our interaction to online.
People have sent me messages online saying, I will never find a dominant man in his early 20's. Saying that at that point they haven't figured out or developed their kinky desires. But I will keep hoping that I will find one, I don't even mind if its someone with an open mind with no experienced. But until then I will have to wait.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
The first time I met Dia and her husband was online, after getting out of a very long relationship I knew I wanted to try being with a woman. It had always been a fantasy of mine and with my ex being out of the picture, I could finally fulfill it.
We met online on aff, she was closer to my age where as her husband was in his thirties but I was ok with it. After a week or two of talking online we agreed to meet at the strippers for a night out. I must say I love going to the strippers, I am a shoe addict and Ive been asked if I was a stripper because of the shoes I wear out.
We met at their hotel room, I was so scared I was shaking I thought that she would turn out to actually be a really overweight girl and not at all what I had imagined. But she wasn't, she was gorgeous if only a lil bit overweight. Her husband wasn't that much of a looker but they seemed perfect for me. We went out and had an excellent night of drinking and laughing. We went back to their hotel room and took a bubble bath in their giant jet tub. It was hard at first to get used to her husband touching me and flirting with me with her right there but it worked out.
After trying her new paddle on my butt we explored each other. Dia was a biter, to the point that I had bruises on the inside of my thighs for over a month. She left me moaning and squealing, I am sure everyone in the hotel rooms next to ours heard me. The sex was amazing, and so much fun. We became quite close over the next few months, I was their pet as well... But I will leave the rest for another time
We met online on aff, she was closer to my age where as her husband was in his thirties but I was ok with it. After a week or two of talking online we agreed to meet at the strippers for a night out. I must say I love going to the strippers, I am a shoe addict and Ive been asked if I was a stripper because of the shoes I wear out.
We met at their hotel room, I was so scared I was shaking I thought that she would turn out to actually be a really overweight girl and not at all what I had imagined. But she wasn't, she was gorgeous if only a lil bit overweight. Her husband wasn't that much of a looker but they seemed perfect for me. We went out and had an excellent night of drinking and laughing. We went back to their hotel room and took a bubble bath in their giant jet tub. It was hard at first to get used to her husband touching me and flirting with me with her right there but it worked out.
After trying her new paddle on my butt we explored each other. Dia was a biter, to the point that I had bruises on the inside of my thighs for over a month. She left me moaning and squealing, I am sure everyone in the hotel rooms next to ours heard me. The sex was amazing, and so much fun. We became quite close over the next few months, I was their pet as well... But I will leave the rest for another time
The men I attract
"wusp im pooleboy im 24 i work at the sayway gas bar down town i like working there my boss is the boom :) :) i dont have a car i bike to work it cepper that way lol lol. i like to find one some go out have a good time play some pool go and see a moive or go for walk get a maik shake and some one to talk to i like any tape of muics"
This was a message I got the other day on one of my vanilla dating websites. This is the types of guys that respond to me... lovely isnt it
I have rules about replying to messages. First of all I don't reply to just... " Hey how's it going?" and I never reply if the person does not have a profile picture....
But I couldn't stop myself from replying from this one, I said two things...
1. Use spellcheck!! For gods sake that was painful to read
2. I am most defiantly not interested
Did I also mention that he had a kid?
This was a message I got the other day on one of my vanilla dating websites. This is the types of guys that respond to me... lovely isnt it
I have rules about replying to messages. First of all I don't reply to just... " Hey how's it going?" and I never reply if the person does not have a profile picture....
But I couldn't stop myself from replying from this one, I said two things...
1. Use spellcheck!! For gods sake that was painful to read
2. I am most defiantly not interested
Did I also mention that he had a kid?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
It all started...
Many people have different stories about how they knew they were going to be kinky, or how they came to like the things they do. As a kid I was the youngest of many siblings, some step and other half siblings. I lived with my father when I was 12 and I had satellite television in my room. I remember there being a channel 745 that I knew I should not be watching. It was sex tv. I was very curious about this show, and they liked to show "cartoons" I can remember vividly one of them that's stands out above the rest
It was what I later learn to be a show about pony girls and their Mistress. It was done in an animated style. It started with a women riding on a carriage, covered in leather and holding a crop and reins to her "horses" They were indeed women dressed in latex with halters and reins in their mouths. In high heels they clipped and clopped along as fast as they could. After whipping them and forcing them to go faster, they finally arrived back at their mansion.
The Mistress then tied her "horses" up and raised them, after gagging them and stripping them naked she washed them clean, putting streams of water in places that made the girls wiggle and moan. I remember wondering why she was doing that, and why the girls had such wide eyes and moans from behind the ball gag. After I watched it I tried to recreate it in my journal but I didn't know how to, because I was confused to what was actually happening. But I knew for a fact I liked when the woman cracked the whip, and how the girls hung tied up for her.
I am not into pony girls but that show started me on a long path for my life.
It was what I later learn to be a show about pony girls and their Mistress. It was done in an animated style. It started with a women riding on a carriage, covered in leather and holding a crop and reins to her "horses" They were indeed women dressed in latex with halters and reins in their mouths. In high heels they clipped and clopped along as fast as they could. After whipping them and forcing them to go faster, they finally arrived back at their mansion.
The Mistress then tied her "horses" up and raised them, after gagging them and stripping them naked she washed them clean, putting streams of water in places that made the girls wiggle and moan. I remember wondering why she was doing that, and why the girls had such wide eyes and moans from behind the ball gag. After I watched it I tried to recreate it in my journal but I didn't know how to, because I was confused to what was actually happening. But I knew for a fact I liked when the woman cracked the whip, and how the girls hung tied up for her.
I am not into pony girls but that show started me on a long path for my life.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I am very submissive in general, I am very sure people will disagree with me but thats alright. I do not like to make the first move, because I don't want to be a bother. If he wants a kiss for the first time then he can kiss me. If he wants something most times I am fine with someone taking it from me.
Like in my last post when my "date" took my hand and said come here. Many thoughts ran through my head like:
If I do go quickly does that make me a slut?
If I dont fight him a lil will he be bored with me?
Should I really be making out with him?
All these thoughts seem to paralize me, I try to be perfect for him. It is better to have someone say come sit on my lap now! rather then ask me.
I dont like to ask people out for the reason that if they have time and want to go out with me then they will ask. Of course I will express that yes I would like to go out with you at sometime.
And in sex for the first time I do not know what a man likes to be done to him. After finding myself nervous and confused I let a recent man that I am friends with take control. By him telling me "suck my cock" I knew that it would please him if I did. And in knowing that it would please him it made me happy.
So if you wanna kiss me then kiss me.
Like in my last post when my "date" took my hand and said come here. Many thoughts ran through my head like:
If I do go quickly does that make me a slut?
If I dont fight him a lil will he be bored with me?
Should I really be making out with him?
All these thoughts seem to paralize me, I try to be perfect for him. It is better to have someone say come sit on my lap now! rather then ask me.
I dont like to ask people out for the reason that if they have time and want to go out with me then they will ask. Of course I will express that yes I would like to go out with you at sometime.
And in sex for the first time I do not know what a man likes to be done to him. After finding myself nervous and confused I let a recent man that I am friends with take control. By him telling me "suck my cock" I knew that it would please him if I did. And in knowing that it would please him it made me happy.
So if you wanna kiss me then kiss me.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
He had the most exquisite teeth. But I didn't learn that until later.
I met him online, and after chatting for a day he decided that he wanted to meet me. We met at Tim Horton's, I like always was extremely nervous to be meeting someone from online. He knew that I was looking for a dominant man and that is why he contacted me. He was shorter then most guys I date, only 5'7 but still taller then me. After spending half an hour flirting he invited me back to his place. He raced ahead of me in his new car, making me chase him.
While there I sat on the couch as he turned on the t.v and made his lunch for the next day in the kitchen. We sat and laughed at some comedy show. He put his arm around me and we cuddled together. Turning to me he held out his hand and said
"Come here"
I panicked and asked where? why?
He took my arm and pulled me onto him, kissing me and holding me to him tight. He was a good kisser and although he seemed small and skinny he had quite a strength in him. I ended up on my hands and knees on the couch with him bending over me. He would hold my chin in his hand, just the top of my throat making me twitch with pleasure at his control. Starting at my ear, he would drag his teeth over my neck never quite biting but more dragging and scratching. Having never had anyone do that to me, it was amazing. Smiling and pushing harder every time I moaned.
He lead me to his bedroom, tossing me on the bed to take advantage of me. Stripping me down into my underwear and bra i stopped him and helped remove his clothes. I pushed him to the bed and took him into my mouth. Rubbing him with my hands as I sucked him eagerly, making him moan and grabbing my hair and pushing me down. After shuddering, he exploded in my hands and mouth. Sighing happily i lay down with my head on his chest. He smiled at me and said he hadn't gotten off on a blow job since high school. I took it as a compliment. He rolled over and fell asleep.
In the morning he kissed me on the forehead and said he had never had a girl let him take off all her clothes but made him stop at her underwear. I thought to myself, I never have full sex on the first date. He laughed at me and said he still had a good night.
He never did call me again.
I met him online, and after chatting for a day he decided that he wanted to meet me. We met at Tim Horton's, I like always was extremely nervous to be meeting someone from online. He knew that I was looking for a dominant man and that is why he contacted me. He was shorter then most guys I date, only 5'7 but still taller then me. After spending half an hour flirting he invited me back to his place. He raced ahead of me in his new car, making me chase him.
While there I sat on the couch as he turned on the t.v and made his lunch for the next day in the kitchen. We sat and laughed at some comedy show. He put his arm around me and we cuddled together. Turning to me he held out his hand and said
"Come here"
I panicked and asked where? why?
He took my arm and pulled me onto him, kissing me and holding me to him tight. He was a good kisser and although he seemed small and skinny he had quite a strength in him. I ended up on my hands and knees on the couch with him bending over me. He would hold my chin in his hand, just the top of my throat making me twitch with pleasure at his control. Starting at my ear, he would drag his teeth over my neck never quite biting but more dragging and scratching. Having never had anyone do that to me, it was amazing. Smiling and pushing harder every time I moaned.
He lead me to his bedroom, tossing me on the bed to take advantage of me. Stripping me down into my underwear and bra i stopped him and helped remove his clothes. I pushed him to the bed and took him into my mouth. Rubbing him with my hands as I sucked him eagerly, making him moan and grabbing my hair and pushing me down. After shuddering, he exploded in my hands and mouth. Sighing happily i lay down with my head on his chest. He smiled at me and said he hadn't gotten off on a blow job since high school. I took it as a compliment. He rolled over and fell asleep.
In the morning he kissed me on the forehead and said he had never had a girl let him take off all her clothes but made him stop at her underwear. I thought to myself, I never have full sex on the first date. He laughed at me and said he still had a good night.
He never did call me again.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
I find within me there are always contradictions, or inconsistencies on what I want to wear, what I want in a lover. When I think I’ve figured out something it twists and changes on me, it becomes something else.
There are days when I want to be dark, demented and terrifying. To wear my leather skirts and big black boots, to be stronger and bolder. To become sexier and have the ability to seduce. And I want to be beaten, be taken by a strong man. To be used for his pleasure and not mine. At this time I want to be tied and gagged, fucked without mercy.
And then I want to be sweet, innocent and perfect. I want to be the sweet girl dressed in something cute and loved. To live in a clean, pure world where everything is vanilla, and white. If I could I’d have two different sides of me. Worlds apar, they would have different lives, different friends.
But even more I love being the sweet innocent girl you see at work, that becomes this sexy dark vixen.
There are days when I want to be dark, demented and terrifying. To wear my leather skirts and big black boots, to be stronger and bolder. To become sexier and have the ability to seduce. And I want to be beaten, be taken by a strong man. To be used for his pleasure and not mine. At this time I want to be tied and gagged, fucked without mercy.
And then I want to be sweet, innocent and perfect. I want to be the sweet girl dressed in something cute and loved. To live in a clean, pure world where everything is vanilla, and white. If I could I’d have two different sides of me. Worlds apar, they would have different lives, different friends.
But even more I love being the sweet innocent girl you see at work, that becomes this sexy dark vixen.
Introduction
Welcome to my blog, you will have to wait and see what it is going to be exactly. I am a submissive girl that is 20 living in Canada. This blog is where I will write about my realtionships and those that I experiance new things with. Through my journey into finding out exactly what I want in life. I hope you enjoy.
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