love?

I can honestly say that I have never fallen in love with a guy or girl before. I have liked and lusted but never was truly in love. I can say I came quite close with one guy though, and I think about him and often wonder if maybe I missed the boat, that maybe he was the one.



We actually met at church, he was a good little church boy and I was a purple haired; skull wearing, lime green tights, punk. And I never thought I would have a chance with him, he later told me he felt the same way. He was gorgeous, he could have been a model if he wanted to, blonde hair and blue eyes and he stood over 6' tall and he was a gentleman. After nearly a year of liking each other and attempting to hide it from each other we finally went out. We would spend hours walking around the town together, he was a welcome reprieve from the groping immature guys that I had dated before. Always the gentleman he refused to let me open a door for him, he would reach above me, hold the door then push me in lol.



We didn't share our first kiss until months into our relationship, it actually happened in the rain at 2am. And I have never been kissed even to this day like he would kiss me. I was his first girlfriend but he seemed to know how to do everything. In fact he was the first person to bite me, after trying on some new perfume he leaned over to smell my neck and bit the space between my shoulder and my neck. I melted. But when ever we were making out or kissing and he would try to push me further and I would back away, he would get angry. Telling me that I should know better and to not tempt him and be a slut. I know he was having issues with being sexually attracted to me and knowing that he shouldn't be as he was a good church boy. Eventually I got sick of it and gave up on him.



I hooked up with an ex of mine and regretted every moment of it. After being tempted by Will and never going any further I was sure that I wanted more. And lost my virginity to an old ex. Will and I actually became friends again after a year had passed and I guess confusion on my part I thought he wanted to date again. And even though he didn't want to be with me again, he couldn't hurt my feelings by telling me no. After a repeat of a make out session then being lectured, I angrily said some mean things. And after a fight he walked out, I stood sobbing outside his truck begging him to love me and not leave...



He just looked at me and got in his truck and drove away.

Its been over two years since then and we have been able to become friends. We laugh and joke and flirt with each other. During the summer we even went to the Zoo together, and being together again was just amazing. It was like it used to be between, without a computer screen or 100kms separating us we were just us again. We joked and laughed and poked each other he pushed me around like he always used to. And then I drove home and it never evolved, in fact it went back to the occasional text at best.

I have dreams about him all the time where I tell him I still care for him, but I would never make the first move again. Every time I think about attempting it, I remember the night I stood by myself sobbing as he drove away. If he ever wanted me again I'd jump in a heart beat, but until then I'll stay right here where its safe.

To be owned again?

I am part of a website that I am sure many of you know, called AFF.com. I have found many different types of people on there. I find I can be more open and free about what I am looking for then on a normal dating site. I have actually met more normal guys on there looking for a relationship then any other dating website. I met my first couple there and others. It is very hit and miss though this site, there are way to many 54 yr old men that send me messages wanting to sleep with me when I am not looking for someone over 30.

Last night I came upon a couple that lives not to far from me which is unusual because I'm out in the middle of no where lol. I thought that they seemed great, a 25 yr old couple looking for a pet he is dominant and she is a switch. I could not come up with a good message so I traveled on from their page, to my happy surprise they sent me a message. We talked and chatted on msn for quite a while and we got along really well. But I have this nagging voice asking if I want to go down this road again.

It will be a year at the end of the month since I was owned by Dia and her husband. Things went really well until the end as she became quite mean and happened to tell everyone in a bar that I was a sex slave and that I would be sleeping at the end of the bed that night because I refused to lick the bottom of her dirty shoe.(have you ever seen the floor of a bar ewwww...)

I did become friends with another couple but they never did own me, we met for a fun night a time or two but that's it. So I am terrified now that I am faced with a chance of being a pet again. I know I miss the discipline and the control and the sex but do I want to be that person again. I would love to meet a guy that I could have a kinky relationship with and I find it hard to say on a date oh by the way I am owned by a couple so we cant have sex unless they say so. That being said there is nothing wrong with being a pet of a couple, heck I loved it. But I don't know if that's what I am looking for in my life right now. I am a very open person and to not be able to tell my father and family about things is hard. How do I say we met and how do I explain all the time we seem to spend together.

I don't want to become friends with this couple and turn them down or back out at the last minute. Ugh why does life have to be so confusing.

Dont be angry with me

I know that I haven't written anything in a while but the matter of the fact is... Nothing Kinky is Happening!!! Nothing at all, no dates to talk about no sexy times with friends with benefits or anything... Ugh. That and even my title tells you that I will be inconsistent.

On my aff profile I have said that I am not looking for anyone over the age of 30. I'm not ok with dating someone, or even having sex with someone that is more then 10 years older then I am. I don't want a daddy in bed, though having someone to spoil me and buy me pretty things would be nice. But I still don't think I would be ok with it.

I'd met an older man on aff one day named charlie, a very experienced dom. We were very good friends online, he got me interested in quite a few things and caught me at a weak moment and asked to meet me for coffee. We met at Tim Horton's for a coffee, and I was terrified the whole time that everyone knew that I was on a date with him. He was a very interested person but he was as old as my dad. So although it was fun to talk to an old friend, I knew that I could never sleep with him or let him dominate me.

We took his dog for a walk in a local park, at one point someones dog had gotten off its leash and came at me. Now I am not terrified of dogs at all, I know how to protect myself if something was to happen so I was prepared for it. Well Charlie pushed me out of the way and stood in front of me so that the dog didn't even get near me. It was sweet but didn't strike me as anything but an older man protecting the younger girl. When we returned to his car he kissed me and I kinda giggled after it happened. There was nothing when he kissed me, in fact I became very aware of the people around us and what they thought of this 50yr old man kissing what appeared to be a 14 year old girl (I look very very young)

Later we had a drink and talked some more, he was a good friend till he moved away but we kept our interaction to online.

People have sent me messages online saying, I will never find a dominant man in his early 20's. Saying that at that point they haven't figured out or developed their kinky desires. But I will keep hoping that I will find one, I don't even mind if its someone with an open mind with no experienced. But until then I will have to wait.

The first time I met Dia and her husband was online, after getting out of a very long relationship I knew I wanted to try being with a woman. It had always been a fantasy of mine and with my ex being out of the picture, I could finally fulfill it.



We met online on aff, she was closer to my age where as her husband was in his thirties but I was ok with it. After a week or two of talking online we agreed to meet at the strippers for a night out. I must say I love going to the strippers, I am a shoe addict and Ive been asked if I was a stripper because of the shoes I wear out.



We met at their hotel room, I was so scared I was shaking I thought that she would turn out to actually be a really overweight girl and not at all what I had imagined. But she wasn't, she was gorgeous if only a lil bit overweight. Her husband wasn't that much of a looker but they seemed perfect for me. We went out and had an excellent night of drinking and laughing. We went back to their hotel room and took a bubble bath in their giant jet tub. It was hard at first to get used to her husband touching me and flirting with me with her right there but it worked out.



After trying her new paddle on my butt we explored each other. Dia was a biter, to the point that I had bruises on the inside of my thighs for over a month. She left me moaning and squealing, I am sure everyone in the hotel rooms next to ours heard me. The sex was amazing, and so much fun. We became quite close over the next few months, I was their pet as well... But I will leave the rest for another time

The men I attract

"wusp im pooleboy im 24 i work at the sayway gas bar down town i like working there my boss is the boom :) :) i dont have a car i bike to work it cepper that way lol lol. i like to find one some go out have a good time play some pool go and see a moive or go for walk get a maik shake and some one to talk to i like any tape of muics"

This was a message I got the other day on one of my vanilla dating websites. This is the types of guys that respond to me... lovely isnt it



I have rules about replying to messages. First of all I don't reply to just... " Hey how's it going?" and I never reply if the person does not have a profile picture....



But I couldn't stop myself from replying from this one, I said two things...



1. Use spellcheck!! For gods sake that was painful to read



2. I am most defiantly not interested



Did I also mention that he had a kid?

Worst Luck

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It all started...

Many people have different stories about how they knew they were going to be kinky, or how they came to like the things they do. As a kid I was the youngest of many siblings, some step and other half siblings. I lived with my father when I was 12 and I had satellite television in my room. I remember there being a channel 745 that I knew I should not be watching. It was sex tv. I was very curious about this show, and they liked to show "cartoons" I can remember vividly one of them that's stands out above the rest

It was what I later learn to be a show about pony girls and their Mistress. It was done in an animated style. It started with a women riding on a carriage, covered in leather and holding a crop and reins to her "horses" They were indeed women dressed in latex with halters and reins in their mouths. In high heels they clipped and clopped along as fast as they could. After whipping them and forcing them to go faster, they finally arrived back at their mansion.

The Mistress then tied her "horses" up and raised them, after gagging them and stripping them naked she washed them clean, putting streams of water in places that made the girls wiggle and moan. I remember wondering why she was doing that, and why the girls had such wide eyes and moans from behind the ball gag. After I watched it I tried to recreate it in my journal but I didn't know how to, because I was confused to what was actually happening. But I knew for a fact I liked when the woman cracked the whip, and how the girls hung tied up for her.

I am not into pony girls but that show started me on a long path for my life.